Look For Me..?

Benighted

Look for me, look for me in places you thought were for the living to walk through and never stay..
look for me where you've left your mind hanging on a tiring and cold january night.. Look for me, I guess I ended up losing myself while helping you build up what was missing of you.
Look for me, or have you forgotten? Have you forgotten the nights you needed to be drunk and I had to pour my soul out in a lamb for you? have you forgotten all those times you were made shiny and glittery by the one whose light died long ago? have you forgotten about me?

Oh I wouldn't blame you, trust me, at least trust me on that. I wouldn't blame anyone for forgetting, if I were the first to do it. Pay no mind to what's going on in this head, eventually, the owner of such a life will end up dead.
Pay no mind to the ugly, the abused, the hurt, the neglected, the suffering.
In times I'd admit things like my mind being one of those who plot against me, losing the definition of my own self in the process of the analytics and the thinking.
In times I'd look around and see all the beauty in the world, hating myself more and more with every ounce of beauty that my being comes across.
My skin knows, my ears know, all my senses being woke know what beauty feels like in every dimention and on every level, and all of that is but a confirmation of how much i wish to vanish and never come back again..

WHY ME? I wonder.

I wonder if I ever cross your mind. I wonder how, if it ever accurs. I wonder why, if ever there's a how. and I wonder when, if ever there's a motive born out of the unkown, being unknown for me, known for somebody else, maybe on another dimension, following a different timeline and leading to a very "strange" -dare I say- path.
I've lost myself, and at no given moment would i ever have wished to gain it back, or to get a hold of it, as it is evident that it has burnt, flesh and all.

I curse the pleasure that gave birth to my "invisibly discovered", my "unwanted" and then my "kept-by-force" existence.
leave no room for regret, my sweet, you have every right to reject me, the cursing-oneself's-existence me, the unwillingly-staying me, the unable-to-breathe me..

Look for me still. The streets are crowded with buildings, emptied of any moving entity, the sea is as disturbing and stress-generating as ever, the sky is dry-crying, and you'll never find me.