I don't know how can people survive the unvoluntary submergence in destructive feelings.. I just don't.
I keep on repeating some words that make so much sense: "You can get knocked down by your own feelings."
Matter of fact, you have every needed ingredien to poison yourself: A kind heart, an overthinking mind and a very unlikeable body (or even one part of it; probably face, fat tummy, etc...) but here's the best part about the whole thing: YOU PUT YOURSELF THROUGH IT!
You want to believe that you have the same chances of being loved and appreciated by people as everyone else, but who is it you think you're fooling? You know it ain't true.
Here's the thing about insecure people: They're the ones who end up being unloved most of the time.
They become delusional in a certain way: Their minds make up stories as for why they're so "unlovable", you know.. Things like "You're ugly", "You're not smart enough", "You don't know how to talk to people"...
Imagination is a bitch, messing up with emotionnally damaged people.
You're being a prisonner of some feelings of hatred and bitterness toward your own self, and that's what being unlovable is all about.
I pity those who aim for the impossible, 'cus yeah, they're the ones who end up screwed and scarred!
I pity those who cannot find people with the same taste of music as them..
Those who are so lonely that they fall for those who show sympathy toward them..
Those who are victims of unrequited love..
Those who were cheated on..
Those who had fake friends all the time and only found out after they gave it all they had..
Those who stay awake at night, cornered and beaten up by their own emotions..
What is it we're looking for in life, in people, in shops, in bars, in books? Just what the hell are we looking for?
Why do we keep chasing the unreachable? Why do we link our happiness to the unobtainable?
Why do we enjoy torturing ourselves?
This is such a mess.. We want to let it all out but we cannot even put words in the right order.
We happen to run out of inspiration and creativity.. We run out of the one single reason why some people appreciate our existence and think that we're good enough to have a conversation with.
We run out of happiness, we find ourselves left with nothing but depressive thoughts.
That's the point! Happiness is feeling worthy of someone's time and energy! Happiness is people appreciating the things you do for them. It is us feeling like we belong for an instant. That one instant is all we want, but it fades away too fast.
You know what else fades away? Time! Smiles! Affection! Determination! Us.
We fade away, since we're limited after all! We're a mesurement of time that gets replaced by "freshly made lives".
What does time have to do with our insecurities? Does time erase the guilt we carry with us through the days? Probably not.
All I know is that one day, if clouds haven't gotten the better of our skies, we'd probably manage to Be Happy. Maybe it's the only way we can be loved for who we seem to be.
Maybe one day, as we watch the sky, a shooting star passes by, we'd make a wish about becoming accepted and loved, and we'd magically get convinced that we're worth it.
Maybe...
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